Happens To The Best Of Us.
As I write my first post in a few weeks I can’t help but be a bit relieved. 2017 hasn’t been the most pleasant year for me and as you probably can assume from the title, I am going through a break up. My heart still feels like it’s broken and I am not here to offer you a magic pill. Trust me, if there was one I would be the first to take it. Anguish and depression and all that yucky stuff is all I have felt the past few weeks. It was okay at first because, I suppose I was still in denial, but once realization started to hit…oh man just my presence sucked the happiness out of everyone. But I have been doing a lot of soul searching and reading in these weeks and here below is a list of all the advice I have received or found. These are in no specific order and it’s quite likely I might add on more or do a second post all together. A fair note though, take what you can and leave out the rest. Not every advice is applicable to everyone but…BUT there is one advice everyone should follow. And I will start with that.
Embrace No Contact
Perhaps the most repeated advice I have gotten so far. Cut off all contact from this person. Block them off Facebook, Twitter, Myspace (like anyone still uses that) and every social site you can think of. Delete their number. Put their email as spam. Remove every picture, text, ringtone, wallpaper whatever. Anything that reminds you of them needs to go and every way of contacting them needs to go. This has honestly been the most beneficial piece of advice I have gotten so far. You basically gotta take it back to the days before you met and live your lives as strangers again.
This Is Your Time
Break ups are actually a really good time to reinvent your self. Become a new person and learn from things that might have been brought up during the break up. Start waking up early, meditate, take up a new hobby… anything. Break free of that routine you might have created with that person in your life. This is a new start. All relationships are based on sacrifice. Regardless of how easy you two got together, there is usually something you had to give up. Realize the freedom you have to pick up that thing again.
Be Good To Yourself
Seriously. People can be their own worst enemies. Regardless of what happened, whose fault it was or who broke up with who. IF you are bitter or hurting in anyway this is proof that you cared. Yes you made mistakes and so did they. But focusing on your mistakes and thinking how bad you messed up and how she was perfect etc will not help. Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend going through the break up. You wouldn’t burden them by pointing out their mistakes and flaws and telling them how they messed up would you? So then why is it okay to do that to yourself?
Let The Depression Happen
I could have easily started off this post by saying how I managed to shake it off and the break up didn’t affect me. But the truth is it did. And it will affect you too. No matter how strong you are, your world has just been shaken. Anyone who has been through a break up of a long relation will tell you that to just ignore these feelings is a task in vain. Just let yourself chill for a bit. Understand that these feelings are a part of life and to try and ignore them or push them down is only going to make things worse. Instead, embrace it. Eat that chocolate cake, binge watch the hell out of Mr.Bean or anything that makes you smile. Take your time and just heal. Reflect and accept that you are feeling a bit depressed and its okay. Now theres a line here. If you are thinking of harming yourself or others in anyway please do seek professional help. Your future self will thank you.
Understand You Will Love Again
I am seriously going to just copy and paste this from my other article about soulmates. I feel like it is relevant to this topic of break ups just as much. Here it is: ” Imagine a jar of the most beautiful marbles you have ever seen. They are all equally beautiful in your eyes. You pick up one and you choose it and walk away. And you bond with it..like a normal healthy human would bond with a marble..no idea how. Then, when I bring you back to that same jar of marbles one week later, you will say your marble is special and better than all these marbles. Why? Before then they were all equally the same so what changed? Let me tell you. The marble you picked, you spent time, shared feelings and had good times with. But notice this. YOU were just as responsible for creating that beautiful relationship as that marble. You could have picked any other marble and you could have made those memories and had fun. So..why can’t you do it again and this time maybe learn from that relation and do it better? People tend to focus too much on the other person. THEY made the relationship good. THEY made the relationship fun. No. You were just as involved in creating those times. Those memories had your touch..your energy with them. Do you think if I dated your “soul mate” (please don’t hurt me it’s all in the name of teaching you) we would have had the same memories and times? No because they would have my touch and energy.”
Help The World
I have yet to try this but a good way to feel good about yourself and get yourself out there a little is do some community service. Helping others will definitely provide you with that sense of satisfaction that you need to heal and move on from the break up.
For Heavens’s Sake Don’t Rebound
Just let it happen naturally when you are ready. DO NOT listen to your friends who will try to get you to move on by introducing you to all these new singles that will make you forget about your ex. It’s not only rude but unfair on the person you are rebounding with. It really doesn’t serve you either because all you will be doing is comparing this new relationship to the old.
Get Busy And Focus On The Now
I wrote a post earlier this year about Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Stoicism is going to be your best friend in these circumstances. And one of the main quotes that you should really focus on is “Take it that you have died today, and your life’s story is ended; and henceforward regard what future time may be given you as an uncovenanted surplus, and live it out in harmony with nature.” Basically what that is saying is that you need to live every moment as if you are already dead and everything that happens now is a gift. As morbid as that sounds if you understand that you really will die eventually and that in the vast space of time this moment really is a gift and though what you are feeling now might suck, it still is a miracle that you are feeling it isn’t it?
To Be Continued…
As I said earlier that I will probably keep adding more stuff or make a new post the more I read up on this. But the steps above should be plenty to heal you. Understand that regardless of what you do, time will heal you. I would like to end this with a quote and wish you a speedy recovery. “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.”