The Inspiration For This Post
If I could sum up why rejection is so important it would be through this quote: ” Growth is an endlessly iterative process. When we learn something new, we don’t go from being “wrong” to “right.” Rather, we go from wrong to slightly less wrong. And when we learn something additional, we go from slightly less wrong to slightly less wrong than that, and then to even less wrong than that and so on.” This quote was taken from the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. (You can get this book here on Amazon, but if you are not F-bomb friendly then this book might not be a good match). You see people tend to see life as rather black and white. If you get what you want? Good! We are happy, and rainbows are in the sky, and the coffee tastes better. But when we don’t get what we want, like say someone rejecting us, we immediately withdraw and feel sorry for ourselves, the sky is falling, which idiot even made this coffee, and then worst of all we fear ever doing that same thing again. But here is something that you knew deep down.
You Will Feel Pain Either Way
You see, what I have come to realize is that regardless of your actions you will feel pain either way. Be it the sting of rejection or the constant throbbing of regret. How many times has it been when you saw that amazing job, girl, boy, contest prize, pet jellyfish (yes you can actually own them).. etc anything you’ve ever wanted, you told yourself “Nah that isn’t for me” or “I am not good enough” or some thing along those lines? You rejected yourself before you even tried. It’s like being a boxer who punches himself in the face till he blacks out before he even enters the ring. Who needs enemies when you’ve got yourself to block your own path eh? We would rather just accept regret and our self-perceived shortcoming rather than going out and actually testing it because the pain is..familiar. The familiar pain is much less scary than this new pain you would feel. You are still safe, and there is no major change in your life because you simply did not try. But you see it is not TOTALLY your fault to fear rejection. Our brains have been wired to protect us. We as humans are a social species and rejection back in the day was life and death. Rejection meant exclusion from the tribe, exclusion from resources. This combined with the fact that rejection directly interferes with your need to belong it’s no wonder we avoid it like the plague.
It’s Not Me It’s Definitely You.
People are so obsessed with living life “right” that they don’t even try to actually live. Instead of trying to put things in perspective we blow up everything to a scale of X10000 in our mind. We make it all about ourselves and how bad we are when in reality there are tons of other possible reasons why someone rejected you. Maybe the job interviewer misread your resume. The girl was just having a bad day and was lost in her head when she ignored your “hi.” Your co-worker just lost a close family member, and that is why he wasn’t in the mood for talking about what Sarah from HR did. If you are not getting the point of these then let me put it plainly: the actions of other people have little to do with you. Either way, it is their loss. You are the prize, and they missed out on your awesome presence. This is how you should look at rejection. It’s their loss, not yours.
Be Crazy Like This Guy.
In order to truly understand how meaningless rejection can be and how we take it the wrong way, I highly recommend you watch this Ted talk.Its funny, not too long, and you will learn something. I want you to take on your own quest of being rejected and only then will you see how its..really not so bad.